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Flagbook
Author's note: Hello! It is TechnoBros, the creator of this Funnypasta, I edited this pasta a bit, to make it more funny! Shadow Reader, if you're reading this, please feature it in another pasta reading, thank you! -TechnoBros THE SUPPA YUMMY PASTA!!! Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! My name be Wheatley Corchat! (Alias: ApertureWhealtey404) I AM FRIGGIN LOST IN SPACE!!! NO ONE LIKES THIS!!! I JUST FLOAT, THAT’S ALL!! Also, you're probably wondering how I'm writing this? well, I figured out I have Google Docs built into my system, so I am able to tell you. abou-WIIWIWKWOOOK:WK-eeeeee. UGH!! I am so sorry! ' ' This is just great! I can’t go one sentence without being interrupted by this stupid guy who loves space! Every day he's just like ' ' “hElLo! Do YoU hAvE A mOmMeNt To TaLk AbOuT oUr LoRd AnD sAvIoR? SPACE!!!!” ' ' Anyways, have you heard of the Flagbook? No? Well that is considered good by the community. it's called the Flagbook because it is a flag, but it has multiple rags for the flag thing, making it a book as well. This Flag- book hybrid IS… ' ' ' STOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID!!!!!☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ it’s told by many to be so horribly bad, that people got sooooooooooo depressed that they burned their eyelids off and cut their cheeks to smile forever! Like, WTF‍‍‍?? this book was made by a 93 year old grandma hobo living in a dumpster, her name is Siri Ho. and her only friends were some CRACKHEADS???? WHAT???? Her ONLY friends were crackheads in the alley that her dumpster was in? that's just…..wow…..brutally unfortunate. Anyways, this freaking book, I haven't read it. all I heard was the book was bad, but the crappy advertising made it worse, this is some of the crappiest advertising I have ever seen, just here, ' ' So, The Ads? I have a friend, Virgil, (ApertureSHUTUPMEL) who recalls being on his pork porch, a porch / Meat Locker, and seeing one of the crackheads in the ally, Walk up to him, in a chicken costume, carrying a flag book. This is how the conversation went, according to Virgil. Flagbook Advertising attempt #1 ' Guy in costume: You should buy the Flagbook! it's an awesome book about war, sacrifice, and love! ' ' Virgil: no thank you, you crazy little crap! No one likes you, you're just a lonely little cocaine addict in an alleyway, who's only friend is a grandma. ' ' Guy in costume: HEY!!! I do heroin too!! ' Virgil:Call someone then! oh wait! YOU’RE POOR!!! ' Guy in costume: Please! Buy Flagbook Or I will kill you you little scrub. ' ' Virgil: … ' ' Virgil: You will die alone...������������☹☹ ' Guy in costume: YES I WILL!! ' ' the guy wearing the chicken suit skipped off, shedding a tear, as Virgil had reminded him of his future. Flagbook Advertising attempt TWO!!! (Another one?) ' ' ' This comes from my worst enemy, GLaDOS! (Apertureb0sz) She claimed to have somebody walk into her chamber, skipping all the tests and traps!! walk up to her, and hold the Flagbook up, as if it was a real flag! she quickly recognized the person as a Roblox noob. The noob, being a Roblox noob, OFFed for a bit, before finally speaking. ' ' their conversation went like this… ' ' Roblox noob: ♪I AM THE BEST IN THE WORLD!!!!♪ And you will be the best in the world as well! as long as you buy the Flagbook! ' GLaDOS: No. Screw you! ' ' Roblox noob: don't you want to be the best in the world? ' ' GLaDOS: Don't you want to die?!!!! ' ' Roblox noob: ( quivering) I'll let myself out… ' '''and he OOFed once more. Advertising attempt number three.. ( come on! seriously, more? I'd rather watch The Jerry Springer Show) ' ' This one comes from my homie, Herobrine. ( Iamaflatearther) He claims to have controlling some little squeakers, when somebody with only one arm, no face, and a blue bunny, walked up to him. their conversation went like this. ' ' Bunny: do you like books? ' ' Herobrine: No. reading is like having a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in your ear. ' ' Bunny: Hey! No copying AVGN!!! Anyways, do you like Flags? ' ''' Herobrine: I guess… ' Bunny: Get the Flagbook!! it is your favourite things mixed ' ' Herobrine: Didn't I just say I don't like reading? Are you deaf? Are you stupid? Shut up and get out of my sight!! ' Bunny: Come on!! This will make you like reading!! I swear!! ' ' Herobrine: No is no.. ' ' Bunny: Fine!! ' ' the bunny then slit his throat with a diamond sword!! ( JEEZ!!! THAT TOOK A DARK TURN!!) ' ' So how well did it go over? ' '''Siri Ho, the creator of the book, claims that it's the most successful book ever. What she doesn't know, is that the book.. Made… ' 0 BUCKS AND 0 CENTS!!������������ '' '' She claims it's the most successful book ever!! and that she's going to use her earnings to reunite with her grandson, Capricorn. ' To this day, she still doesn't know that the book she made... is widely considered to be the worst book in the whole universe and has no.�� right.�� to.�� friggin.�� exist! (I have a slow clap processor, just like GLaDOS! so this joke works! shut up!!!) Anyways, as I was saying, her book made people commit suicide, her book made people want to punish their own children for no reason, her book gave people diseases, and was why a father committed an honour killing which resulted in a 911 call. A bunch of terrible events from history like, 9/11, The return of Murphy Brown, The Disappearance of Maura Murray, all of these terrifying and disgusting events, were was just anger carried about, from Siri’s stupid Flagbook!! You should have seen what she caused, people are still looking for this Grandma to this day! they have recently got in touch with her grandson, Capricorn Anderson. this is his interview, with his dumb long strands of hair ( they kind of look like spaghetti, yum!!) ' ' um….Rain was chased out of town, after speaking our language, they thought she was speaking in demonic tongues.So they hogtied her, and ran her out of town! the government noticed an elderly hippie just running away back to Garland. so apparently, they put her under this, “ Witness Protection” thing. She took off.. and I haven't seen my dear old grandma since!!! the woman with the blonde hair was not Rain!!! Rain would not give up on Garland!!! she is missing! and all that is left of her, is the book! the book she made in 1999!! I think it's very good!! now, other people have commited disgusting little acts of violence….���� ' ' Back to you! Wheatley!!! ''' I haven't read the book, here's some of the text from the book I found on random websites with my built-in browser, wait? I don't have internet! just kidding! I have data! ' ' 2 paragraphs from Flagbook! This Is War! WARRR!!! The Derp war was here!!! Fire the Naughty Cannons!!!!! Scompshas (Ss- COMP (short Oo sound) - SHUS!!) commanded. NOOOO!!! ME WANNA DIEEEE!!!!! Numbskull screeched, he went online, Looked up, motovative quotes. Found an ad to buy a revolver, he ordered it, and within three seconds, it came. he shot himself! The army of LSD drugged pandas and Minecraft and Roblox noobs came charging into the barrier! Then, ze enemy leader came in, he looked like Mario, and smelled like chicken! ' ' He got through the barrier, and said. ' ' JK Rowling wanted to send this to you! ' he then took off with no explanation! this new thing, was a Harry Potter book! it was, ' ' “Harry Potter: the 32x Kebab” ' ' They read the book, here's how it went. ' ' So Harry, ron, and Harmonie find a Bear named Freddy and they go to the Mushroom Kingdom where Gordon Freeman fights Stormtroopers at Stonehenge and then he finds a spaceship built by Taylor Swift and he crash lands into a graveyard where Harry, Ron, and Harmonie are, they go to a hill with stark towers on it and they see Peppa Pig fighting Gorge Pig and they stop and they all go to Microsoft. Where they see Detective Pikachu questioning a mimikyu, the mimikyu notices Harry and they fight Earthbound Style. Harry Potter wins and he gets a Power Moon! Turns out the mimikyu was actually the dastardly 32x! They have a wand battle, a Xenomorph bursts out of Peppa pig and they kill it with a red light! They win and peace returns to all the land and Harry Potter dies after Giygas corrupts him. ' ' So how is the book? mr. Wheatley? ' '''10/10! It was the most epic thing I ever read!! Even though it was only 2 paragraphs! it was the best!! I hope I find out what the rest is like!! ' ''' ' UPDATE: ' '''It sucked, it sucked hard! I thought the book was going to be even better! but the book was just the rotting imagination of an old grandma!! it's time to burn all copies of this putrid book, that can't even be called a book.. '' UPDATE #2: ' ' We had it a ginormous bonfire, consisting of every copy of Flagbook in existence, aliens came down to burn the book, I came down to burn the book! Pepsiman came from his Pepsi layer to burn the book!! This book, is gone. Good riddance, THE END!!! ' ' UPDATE #3: All right, so apparently. Siri has started the Apocalypse. All copies of her “masterpiece” have been burned,, now, she's going to kill everyone. Turn Earth into “ planet of the hippies” so I decided to skyrocket myself into space, using a bottle of Coke, and some Mentos. Earth has been destroyed, and the Earth you're on right now, is next. That's what I heard. Sooooooo when this happens, you need to rely on your natural instinct and your jacked butt to survive!! that's all I can tell you! AGHHHH!!!! stupid space guy!!!!! NO!!! DON'T SEND THAT PICTURE!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! ''''Category:Funnypasta Category:For The Shadow Reader Category:Books Category:We need comments!